It was summer vacation, but we still had to get up when the buzzer rang; and had to hear the loud speaker tell us what we were going to do for the day. The two ladies that were in charge made sure that everyone complied. If someone didn't want to take part as directed, men were called to take care of the situation. If anyone was a threat to others or themselves, they were taken to a special area in the Infirmary called lock-up. If they were unmanageable, they would receive a hypo (a shot to calm them down). We had various activities, like picking strawberries, swimming, the carnival, washing our clothes, coed dances, and other things. We could buy things like stamps, paper, pencils, envelopes, candy, or cigarettes, at the Canteen. Actually; it wasn't bad, for someone who followed the rules. Like, if you picked strawberries, you could eat them if you didn't get strawberries on your face or clothing. If you didn't want to wash your clothes, you could wear ward clothes. Those clothes were washed in the Laundry Building. Some girls worked there; and that's how they earned money for Canteen. Ward clothes were OK, if you liked creases in them; and liked faded clothes. I liked them. They were cotton, and comfortable. There were bathrooms on every floor. If you used a razor to shave your legs, you were monitored, so there was no chance to use it on someone in a fight. I was too young, I guess for using them, so it wasn't a problem. However, I became concerned when there was a terrible fight, and a girl got so cut up from a razor blade that the ambulance got called to take an injured girl to the hospital; and the men came to take a girl to lock-up. I became more aware of what was going on, and who was angry at who; and what groups were against what groups. There were some girls that it didn't take much to set them off. They were like a time bomb! You had to be very aware of each individual; and what made them angry. You didn't want to be on their bad side. The people that worked there couldn't always be watching everything. I had a room mate. Some rooms were larger, with several beds in them. Some only had one in. Mine was small, with 2 beds. I spent very little time in my room, because I was always busy. I was always so amazed that no one stole my stuff! My ma stole almost everything I had! To me Sparta was a nice place. The ladies that worked there were much kinder than my ma. We called them by their last names, like Smitty (for Smith). We got nicknames also, soon after we arrived there. My name is long and hard to pronounce; so I sometimes was called Marshmellow, or Marcy, or Marse. I really don't think that I had any enemies in the whole place; and that is unusual for me. It seems that almost everywhere else I have been, I have always had someone that didn't like me, except the Diagnostic Center in Madison. I did feel sorry for Sharon, when she went to the hospital; and was a little confused about what got Audrey so angry to hurt her so bad. But I stayed out of it; and when Audrey got back from lockup, no one said a word about it. I guess we all figured that she did her time, and it was over. We never saw Sharon again, though.
To be continued...

The Social Worker came and took me to Sparta WI, to Sparta Child Center. The first place I went was to the Infirmary. There were several large buildings at the Child Center, and the Infirmary was one of them. I was given a room all by myself, where I stayed for several days. I was given shots, and fed well. I was getting lonely; because I had no one to talk to. Finally, when I was feeling much better, I was allowed out to roam the halls. I met two real nice girls that had to use wheel chairs. We played board games, and cards. It was nice to have nice people to be around. I found out that Sparta Child Center had children of all kinds in it, not just juvenile delinquents. There were some buildings for the handicapped, some for younger children, and some for kids over sixteen years old. I didn't know it at the time, but the Infirmary was the best place to be.

I liked it there a lot better than at my mother’s. I got a lot of rest there; and got over my mononucleosis, and my pneumonia. When I was better, I was sent to Cottage F. That was the large building where girls over sixteen were. Only, I was just fifteen. When it was my sixteenth birthday, I got to meet kids from other buildings at a coed dance. It was my birthday party. Who would have thought that they would have a party for me! I met a new friend: Betty from Cottage C. I guess she was a year younger than me; too young for Cottage F. I met some boys, too. Pat was my new boyfriend that became my pen pal. It was just fun to get notes, and to write back. It was nothing serious. The girls at Cottage F were nice to me, although sometimes I felt somewhat intimidated when there was a fight. I didn’t feel that I knew anyone well enough at first to take sides. Anyways, I probably wasn’t as tough as some of those girls. Suzy G. and Susan P. were my best friends there. We were allowed to smoke there; one after every meal, and one before bed. We would smoke the cigarettes down as far as we could, because four a day wasn’t much. Some of the kids went to public school from there, if they stayed out of trouble. I went to the public high school, and got all As. I was able to study better, and concentrate. I finally got to practice my clarinet again. I couldn’t do any of that at my mother’s; and was getting behind when I was at her house. I met a friend at school. She was nice, too. I think her name was Dawn. I didn’t get to know people at the school very well, because I didn’t take part in any school activities, and wasn’t allowed to go out at night. I stayed in Sparta after school was out for the year, and through the summer. To be continued...

When I was finally able to get up, I still felt quite weak, and had lost a lot of weight. I looked in the mirror, and didn't feel that I knew myself! My Social Worker came to visit, and said that I had to get packed to go to my Mother's house. I was allowed to take my dog, Sooty with me. She was a very beautiful Springer Spaniel puppy that a girlfriend of mine gave me. I rode with my Social Worker and my dog to my mother's house. I was to put all my stuff in my own room. Sooty had to be tied outside, without even a dog house! She was an indoor dog. I already didn't want to stay there, but I didn't think I had any choice. The Social Worker left, and I felt alone to fend for myself.

The room that I slept in had a blanket with a large hole in hung in the doorway for privacy. The room was so small that the only place for my bed was against a window that was broke, and taped shut. My "blanket" was a stiff mill felt. (Kind of like a thin rug.) I had to start school right away. There was a school bus that I rode to school. It was so cold in the morning, because the fire in the wood stove went out during the night. When I got to school, I was sent to the Principal's office, because people thought I was contagious! I had to stay there until my mother picked me up. She was never home, so I waited all day. She didn't like having to pick me up. When I got home, my dog was gone! My mother said that she took her to the Humane Society; and they shot her.

I felt awful! I just wanted to get out of there as soon as I could! I cleaned the whole house, and shoveled the whole driveway, wearing shoes with holes in the bottom that my mother got from the dump to replace the shoes that I had that she sold. I found that I had fewer and fewer clothes; and they were being replaced with very ragged clothes. The only reason that my clarinet wasn't sold, was because it was in my school locker. I kept going to school for a few days, and met a few friends there. I met a real nice guy, Lenny P., who wanted to help me out of the mess I was in. He came to the house to see me, but my mother and step dad wouldn't allow it. I went to school until I got such a high fever that I couldn't.

I felt like I could hardly breath, and couldn't get up. My step father said that I was a lazy good for nothing, and my mother threatened to call the cops and tell them that I was skipping school. I actually wanted her to call the cops! One day when she was over to the elderly neighbor lady's house across the street visiting and having a treat, I dragged myself up and went over there. I got a chance to ask her to call the cops to help me. I'm so glad that I did, because that is what saved my life. I went back to bed, and my grandfather ( my mother's dad) came over; and they were discussing what to do with my stuff after I die. That made me so very determined to live!

The cops came over, and my mother told them how bad I was, and that I was skipping school! The policeman took me to the doctor, who said I had pneumonia, and then to jail; but just to have a place to stay overnight. The food there was great, compared to what my mother had at her house! The next day, after a great breakfast, I went out of town with the officer, to take a lie detector's test. After that he took me out for steak dinner, and asked me if I would like to live at his house. He was very kind, but I didn't even want to live in the same town as my mother. I knew that she would try to use me to take advantage of his family, any way she could to get money. I couldn't do that to such good people. I found out from the officer that there wasn't any foster home available right then, but I could stay in Sparta Child Center (a reform school). That would be fine, I told him. We went back to my mother's house to pack what was left of my stuff and talk to my mother. My mother demanded that I pay her for the doctor bill, and I told her that I would contact Helen and Hank, in the foster home I used to be in; to get money for selling my bike that they had, to pay her. I really don't know why; because my dad's insurance covered it. She was with the idea that I was so bad that I had to be put away; that she was right. So she was happy to see me go, when the social worker came to get me. To be continued...

I should have known that it was going to happen! After all, I came in contact with them when I visited my mother. I just didn’t know how bad they could be for a 15 year old. It was so bad that every inch of my body was covered with blisters! They were even in my mouth and down my throat! I was very sick, with a fever that was so high that everything was tried to get it to go down. I had to get sprayed all over with some special medication, so I wouldn’t get scars all over. I could only eat soup and Jello for several days. I even had trouble swallowing liquids. I was in and out of consciousness for many days. To be continued...

I was so glad when I caught the train to go back to Milwaukee! I was lucky to have anything to bring back with me. I didn't even have enough money for cab fare from the train station to get back home. It was lucky I just had one suitcase; I had to take the city bus home from the train station! That's because I had a bus pass, and my mother had no use for it. I was so glad to see Helen and the kids when I got back! I was still scared of Hank. Helen was treating me different, though, since I had come back from the DC. She didn't trust me. To someone like me, trust was all important. I knew it could never be the same there for me. Candy and Jim were like my sister and brother to me. I felt terrible that I was no longer trusted.
I went to school every day, and to clarinet lessons; and was doing O.K.; but I was very unhappy. I couldn't remember people's names; and lost a lot of friends. I couldn't remember my locker combinations, or where my classes were. It was like I had to learn everything over again. I got a lot of headaches in school; and it was assumed that I was a juvenile delinquent, and didn't want to be in class. I was late for class sometimes, just trying to remember where the class was. Before long I learned my way around again. I got to know all new friends. The new friends that I made were different than the other ones that I had. Most of them were older than me. Helen and Hank invited a former foster girl over that was older than me. I guess they must have thought that she would be a good influence on me. She had some pretty wild friends, and Helen and Hank didn't know it! I went out with one of her friends, and found out that he was very bad! That date didn't last long. Then one of her friends attacked me on the way home from school. I was so scared. I had been to clarinet lessons, and it was dark. I had to take a different bus home when I took clarinet lessons; and I had to walk past a woods. That is where he attacked me. He let me go. I never wanted anyone to know about me being a foster child, but I told him that I was; and that he was going to be in deep trouble if he didn't leave me alone. That worked; because I was able to get away, and go home. After that, I didn't trust Donna B.'s friends.
I had two pen pals. One was Mary, a girl that I shared a room with when I was in University hospital. She had brain surgery while I was there; and I saw how she was getting better from her cerebral palsy, and from her surgery. We were good friends. The other pen pal, Lee, didn't write me for awhile; and when I finally got a letter, he said that he wasn't going to write any more. It was because he didn't think that I wanted to be friends with him any more, because he lost his leg in a train accident. I wrote him back, but I never heard from him again.